Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Here's a quick mock-up of a painting I'm working on for my niece. The boy pointing is my nephew- he's the one that gave her the nickname, Sassy. I wish he had decided to nickname her "Quiet" or "Polite" or maybe "Holy crap! I didn't even know that such a wonderful little creature could exist". Instead he goes with Sassy. And she feels the need to live up to her nickname. Sometimes I get the feeling she thinks her name is "annoying little c**t".
I know, Jo, I know. That probably gets me another "F" for my parenting skills. Just put it in the bucket with the other ones.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I know, I know- that's actually Buzz and not Neil. Either way it's pretty amazing either one of them walked on the Moon at all. After the urgency felt to get there first (take that, Russia!) it seems weird that we have only made a handful of trips back there in the 40 years since the Eagle first landed. However, I feel that's going to change. Apparently we elected Superman to the Presidency. And of course he's going to need to make a few trips to the Moon to build Watchtower, his base of operations for his JLA cabinet. Plus, Moon missions are just another way Obamaman can spend the taxpayers money. Not that he needs any help coming up with any ideas to do that.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
My brother's flat needs some decoration on the walls. So I told him I'd do some art for him. So I sat on the floor, turned on the TV and ended up watching Major League while I painted this. I think next time I'll actually look for a more inspiring movie to watch while I paint in the hopes it will keep me from doing work more suited for actually hanging than this. But I sent it off to him anyway, and he can use it as a place holder until some better sausage arrives.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
That's right, folks! Finished artwork. You may not see that again on this blog. Hurry-while stocks last!
Sorry, too late. All sold out.
These were two pieces I entered into the 3 feet high 2008 skatedeck show. The theme for the show was "nature". I hadn't done any painting for quite some time. A bunch of my friends (yeah, that's right, the sausage maker has friends) and I decided to enter the show. For me it was a good excuse to finally do some non-work related stuff.
I'd like to go back and redo the pieces. There's some stuff on them that bothers me. But overall I'm happy with the way they turned out. Even if nobody knows what a puffin is, and thinks the second board is a painting of a toucan. The first piece is a romanticized take on human nature. The eyes are actually concave, with the pupils sitting maybe half an inch deep from the surface of the board. So as you move around the room, the eyes follow you.
You can check out much better artwork than the ones I did at the 3 feet high website, .You can check out the decks from the two previous years. I'm hoping eventually she'll put up the decks from last years show. It was fun to do these. And it was cool to see the work everyone else did. If I get a chance, I'd like to do it again. Especially after finding out both my pieces sold.
I'm still surprised by the amount of anger generated by the last Indy movie. I mean, for anybody that actually saw Last Crusade, Crystal Skull shouldn't be so despised. I don't remember who first said it, but he was right when he said (and I'm paraphrasing a little here), "Indiana Jones is a very good trilogy, preceded by one kick ass movie." Crystal Skull is not Raiders. But neither was Temple of Doom and certainly not Last Crusade.
Everyone complained about the outrageous crap in the movie (nuke the fridge has undeservedly replaced the term jump the shark), but, and I might be mistaken, I seem to remember outrageous crap happening in the old Indy movies, i.e. falling from planes in a raft, ripping hearts out of living people, drinking water from the wrong cup and instantly aging. And as far as the Macguffin goes, aliens are just as reasonable as sacred river rocks and a magical wooden cup.
Despite its flaws, which it definitely has, Crystal Skull was still a decent movie. It was fun to watch Indy on the big screen again. No, it wasn't the best movie of the year. But Indy movies were never meant to be. Indy is just a saturday morning popcorn serial. Just like Star Wars. So please, pull up your underoos, let go of your mother's bloated teats, and stop crying about Lucas raping your childhood.
I was going through some old junk on my hard drive and found this. I had the movie Layer Cake playing while I was working and did this quick sketch. He has such a weird mug that maybe I'll go back sometime and actually try to do a finished drawing of him.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
It’s a schemer who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best-I took your plan and turned it on itself. Look what I have done to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple bullets. Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plans are horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will get blown up, nobody panics. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
In just 24 hours I will be in line for the first Indiana Jones movie in 19 years. I had a few minutes to kill before i left work, so I doodled this quick. I'm worried because I felt this way before Phantom menace and was certainly not as excited afterwards. I hope that doesn't happen again.
Let us hurry. There is nothing to fear here.
That's what scares me.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Oh, all right. For your own sake, I'll be blunt. Why do the Bosses keep ducks? To eat them. So why do the Bosses keep a pig? The fact is that animals that don't seem to have a purpose really do have a purpose. The Bosses have to eat. It's probably the most noble purpose of all, when you come to think about it.
Pork, they call it. Or bacon. They only call them pigs when they're alive.
“A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.”
- Mignon McLaughlin
I think someone should just take this city and just... just flush it down the fuckin' toilet.
All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.
Thank God for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk.
Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em!
Know why they named this city twice? So you mooks would have an easier time remembering where you lived. Seriously...what other city has the ego to consider it's suburbs "upstate?" Albany, Buffalo, those are upstate. Yonkers is not. One doesn't commute from upstate. One takes vacations upstate. And what's with doubling up on all the sports teams? NY Jets and NY Giants (who, apparently also dislike the city so much they play in jersey), NY Mets and NY Yankees, Ny Rangers and NY Islanders (yes-I know-"da Islanders are from Lohn Guyland." Long Island is just new york east), NY Knicks and NJ Nets (hey-if the jints and jets can claim to be from NY-they gotta take the Nets. It's the same fan base-the nets used to be from new york- and north jersey is really just new york west). That means that even one half the new yorkers hate the other half because they root for the wrong new york team. (yes-I'm aware i left out the sabers and the bills-but NY city barely acknowledge buffalo, or the rest of the state. Hence, land that is still east of the hudson is considered upstate. Besides, this post is a rant on the city, the rest of the state is actually ok.)
For the record-despite what you'll hear in NY, dog and log rhyme. NY pedestrians, just because you have the right of way doesn't mean you need to be an ass about using it. If a car is way down the street, go ahead and cross against the light. If it's ten feet away, don't go amblin' across the street. Motorists, honking doesn't do any good. If the car in front of you could move, it would. Everyone, those loud siren noises and flashing lights, those are to alert you that an emergency vehicle is approaching. Drivers, pull off to the side. Pedestrians, wait on the sidewalk until the vehicle passes. Look, I understand that you are all big bad tough guy new yorkers. But there is no reason for you walk with your buddies side by side, taking up the whole sidewalk, at barely a snails pace. When someone faster passes you, realize it's not an insult. No one thinks you aren't the top dog anymore. Don't feel the need to push your way in front of that faster person at the next traffic signal just to make sure everyone knows you're there. Because now that faster person has to try to find another place on the next block to pass you. Related to that-if you're only traveling as fast as the people on the sidewalk, stay on the sidewalk. Leave the open space between the parked cars and the traffic for those that are trying to move faster. Why does everyone just need 45 cents to get a train back to long island? You panhandlers need to get a new schtick. Hey, drunk guys, stop throwin' your empty Jack Daniels bottles across the street- you're going to hurt someone. And find a trash can to puke in. Don't just vomit on the sidewalk. Remember after 9-11 all these tourists went to new york to see ground zero? They all said the same thing, "It smells so bad." Guess what. That had nothing to do with the towers going down. That's just how new york always smells. It always smells like garbage. Speaking of garbage- Mister cd selling man standing on the corner, I don't want your stupid homemade album. I'm sure you think you're a talented artist. But I'm not interested. There is absolutely no need to throw your bigoted hate speech my way.
I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.
I haven't updated this site for awhile. I had a spare minute to mess around in Sketchbook a little. I promise some tastier sausage is on the way. I've had some problems with the grinder recently, but it seems like everything is working again. New meat is on the way.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up.
A couple of weeks ago I worked on a film as part of the 48 Hour Film Project. It's a contest in which groups have literally 48 hours to make a movie. The organizers provide a character, a prop, and a line of dialogue that must be used in the film. The group then draws a genre out of a hat, and has from 7 p.m. on Friday night until 7 p.m. on Sunday to write, shoot, edit and deliver a film no longer than 7 minutes (excluding titles and credits). Obviously it's a pretty hectic weekend, but usually a lot of fun. (yes, even a cynical sausage maker can have fun.)
The images are some poster concepts I was messing around with for our film. This year's character was Glen/Glenda travers, house painter; the prop was a flag; and the line was, "I can't remember everything." The genre we drew was road movie. So we did a movie about a bumbling death.
The movie is a little rough, but that's to be expected with only two days to do everything. The cast and crew were really good, as evidenced by the number of awards we won this year: Audience Favorite-Group A; Best Use of Genre; Best Theme Song (congrats Brad); Best Graphics; Best Actor (congrats Jim); Best Direction.
There was a lot of footage that we shot that had to be trimmed down to get the film under the allowed 7 minute mark. It's a shame some of it couldn't have stayed in the picture. All the dialogue was improvised, and the actors came up with some really good stuff. Who knows, maybe someday someone will take the time to put together a slightly longer "director's cut."
Anyway, you can check out Dead End for yourself here at funnyordie.com. If you enjoy it, vote it funny. If you don't enjoy it, vote it funny anyway. You can also check it out here, at the youtube.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
So I was traveling in armpit of America, I mean New jersey, this past weekend and found myself in the historic hamlet of National Park. Since it was such a hot day I figured I'd go for a swim. I queried a passing young man where the local YMCA was located. His directions led me to a strip of land beneath the highway overpass containing the local swimming pool. As you can see, it's a beautiful pool. In fact, locals say Michael Phelps himself has claimed this to be one of the most exquisite pools he has ever had the pleasure to swim in.
I've also sent this image to letmeshowyouthem.com for them to post on their website. Figuring that since some of the guys that run the site are from National Park they'd be quite happy to see others enjoying the place they call home. Be sure to check out their site as they have some funny stuff over there.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
I guess the feds wanted that rocket back more than Clifford realized. And Boba Fett is more deadly than some guy named Neville.
I know, I know-all you nerds are all set to point out all the details that are missing and/or wrong. Well, before you get your jedi underoos in a bunch, save it. I know it's not 100% correct. It's just a quick sketch. Go back to trying to defend Phantom Menace as the greatest movie of the century.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
So somebody sent me a link to this blog called steinhartstronghold. Apparently there is a small cult of animators in new york who are followers of this steinhart. these guys seem pretty into this guy/deity/mythical being. now, i'm not completely up to snuff on my mythology, but based on the tales these guys circulate about this steinhart he sounds wicked hard-core.
i posted a link in the sausage links section to steinhartstronghold. these are the real experts on steinhart. i highly suggest you check it out, and ask them for any more info.
anyway, after seeing the blog, and needing to take a break from making sausage, i decided to do a drawing of this teutonic titan. enjoy.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Here he is! Men's Fitness' very own Mr. July! Mr. July's interests include eating chicken, playing with his adorable kitty cats, and collecting little plastic teddy bears. Sorry, ladies, this one is already taken. What a lucky Mrs. July!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Get it? First brats? Cause it's sausage and they're little know-it-alls! It just works on so many levels!
Well, all joking aside, I figured it was time to take part in at least one aspect of modern society. So I started a little sketch blog. I want to try to update this regularly. We'll see how that goes.
To get it started are the little mozarts...er...I mean, The Little Einsteins! I did these in a few spare minutes I had the other day. I like where Leo and Quincy are heading (the two boys), but June and Annie don't quite work.